The love of my life.

The last time I actually blogged was in January, 3 months ago, when I was still a drifter, pretty much lost, but not so much alone. No clue or idea on school, but I am glad I put my fears aside and finally gave myself a chance at school again, all thanks to you.

You gave me the courage to step up, to do what I never had the confidence to.
You reminded me that you will always be there for me, even if no one believed in me.
You assured me that I am better than I think I am, even when I couldn't believe in myself.

Tonight, when you told me, "I think I am sure you are the love of my life. And I hope that I am right.", I teared up. Granted, I am too emotional for my own good, perhaps way more than I should be. I have always been strong on the outside, I seldom cry in front of others, unless I know they'd never judge me for it, or for a reason legit enough. Else, I never will. But tonight, I did. I teared up in front of my ex-colleagues. I laid my head on S's shoulders and I cried. The tears just kept flowing, but when I read your text again, D pointed out, "You're smiling, Ally. But why the fuck are you crying?" And I finally truly opened up to them. I said, "Stephen makes me feel the way no one else does. I love him, and I want him to be happy. Even if I have to make sacrifices, as long as I can keep this relationship going, I'm happy if he's happy. I want to spend the rest of my life with him.

I've never said anything like that about my relationships to anyone, not even V. I've never been so sure about someone. I've never loved someone the way I love you. I've never found myself crying tears of happiness over a text. But when you came along, you changed everything.

The tears I cried were tears of happiness, of bliss, of being in love, of having found you. But all of a sudden, a screenshot of your messages with M, on your Facebook came to my mind. You told her one day you're gonna marry her, because she makes you happy. And I realised, I am not indispensable. Everything that I have done for you, can do for you and will do for you, another girl can too, perhaps even better than I can. What do I have that can make you stay? Am I good enough?

I'm scared, not of the commitment, which most people are afraid of, but I am afraid when I think of how easily you can just leave and take this happiness away with you.